Some feelings are residual: not based on a current reality, but rather a perception and interpretation of reality in response to past experiences.
It's the holidays; of course I'm sad.
When you’re a child, if you’ve had any luck in the world, the holidays are mostly good memories- lights, food, family, presents wrapped in fun paper topped with shiny bows. Appropriately, when you’re an adult, those good memories will make you sad: things have changed and so have you and so has everyone else.
It’s sad how things change. I’m not going to offer an inspiring message on how to suppress your feelings. I think it’s good to be sad and to let yourself feel sad. Perhaps the holidays can be a time to reflect, and with any luck, gain a deeper perspective.
Perspective and wisdom and real peace can only come from letting yourself feel the things you try to not let yourself feel.
During this time of year, it can be especially easy to just eat and eat (or drink) and let the invisible tension build while you try to drown it out with the flashing lights of the television and your electronic devices. That is certainly much easier and less messy than tears, than saying what you’re really feeling. Than opening up and being honest with the very people who will be with you for the rest of your life.
All I can offer you at this time of year is empathy. I know it’s hard, but perhaps it wouldn’t be a complete disaster if you let yourself really feel what you act like you’re not feeling. If you let yourself be honest with those who love you. If you let yourself be real. If you truly connected with your supposed loved ones. Maybe it would bring you all closer together.
Or maybe it will make you feel even more alone, but at least you’ll be alone with yourself. At least you’ll know what you’re really feeling. At least you’ll be aware and connected to yourself, rather than living in a tense, anxious repressed almost vegetative state.
I hope this reflection in helpful to you. Please remember that you’re not alone, and the holidays will be over soon.
Love and strength to you,
Sometimes you gotta check out before you can check in.
(...By that I mean: sometimes you have to give into what you're avoiding (feelings-fear, anger, sadness) before you can actually feel better, to feel like a complete, connected person.)
One of the steps towards enlightenment is:
You must let yourself feel the things you try to not let yourself feel.
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