Gestation - A Journal Entry

Be exalted O God above the nations;
Be exalted above the heavens
above the moon and the stars
which You have ordained:
Be Glorified above all.
When I consider the work of Your hands
who am I
that You are
mindful of me?
I search
day and night
and my troubles are always before me
for I am torn
two worlds:
the Celestial
and Chthonic
for my house
in Gemini.
Have mercy upon me, O God
and teach me Your ways
that I might know Your Truth.
For even now,
my soul is among the lions;
I lie among the sons of men.
But you, O Lord
have Ordained Strength
because of Your lovingkindness.
Reach down Your hand upon me
and still my mind
as you still the waves of the seas.
Clear a path for me
and guide me with Your eye
that I might know your ways
and walk upright in righteousness.
Teach me your ways, O God
that I might praise You.
Grant unto me
Your Holy Wisdom
that I might glorify You.
Praise the Lord among the nations
Praise Him all you His hosts:
Let everything
that has breath
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord.

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I am gestating.

In the Spring, I will begin a 6 month journey into a Holy Rite, about which I’m still unsure how much I should share. The Journey includes 6 months of rigorous prayers, recitations, fasting and seclusion from society.

I am currently and already in the process of preparing for the Rite, and I have found myself twiddling my thumbs, unsure of where to focus my energy in the meantime. I seek Truth but have lately found myself spinning in circles, waiting for Passover to come.

The Full Moon is tomorrow, after which most of my Magic will cease until the New Moon, but even then, Mercury will be in retrograde until the end of March, which puts further restrictions on my Magical practice. Presumably, after I finish the 6 month Rite, I will no longer be obligated to planetary correspondences, but in the meantime, I’m trying to follow everything by the book (by the book I mean, the protocols of Solomonic Magic).

I suppose I’m really just writing this entry for myself as I try and process how to proceed before April 20, though perhaps the abstracted concepts of waiting and gestation will resonate with you, Dear Reader, as well.

On a surface-conscious-level, I want everything to happen over night though I know deep within that mastery takes time and struggle. Sometimes, the very thought of knowing my Initiation will not happen over night brings me into a state of paralysis, where I just want to reach for my phone and give up any agency I currently have.

Pray for me, Reader that I might have mental clarity and focus in the days leading up to the Rite, and I too will pray for you that you also might find mental clarity and focus as you strive towards your goals.

Let us not throw up our hands & give up our agency,
for at the center of the spinning wheel
resides a stable spoke.

↺ Amanda ⟲
HTX Oracle