How a Bad DMT Trip Led Me to Magic

There were many factors that led me to the point of feeling like Magic was my calling, but one of the final breaking points (breakthrough?) was a bad DMT trip I had back in September 2018.

I was about a month into my first semester at Rice University, pursing a Master’s degree in Mysticism, Esotericism and Gnosticism. At this point, I felt like this was exactly where I was called to be in that moment. I still wasn’t sure of my Destiny (am I even sure now?), but I knew I felt compelled by a Divine Force to settle back in Houston & expand my mind.

So anyway, the DMT trip. It was September, and there I was, in my bedroom, a new student at one of the most prestigious and cutting edge Religious Studies departments in the world, and I was ready to blast off - you know, for research. 🤓

I’ve done DMT before and have had all sorts of breakthroughs and insights revealed to me, so I felt fully capable of handling whatever new messages God, my Higher Self, the Universe was to show me.

So I lied down on my bed, blindfolded, and in a serene and meditative state of mind, and I blasted off. Except this time when I shot off, my reality completely dissolved. Whoops.

When I say my reality completely dissolved, I don’t mean in the positive, expanding your perception of Reality sort of way; I’ve had plenty of those experiences. This time, I felt like I was in a simulation.


The world was flat and paper thin.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

I ran out of the bedroom screaming my boyfriend’s name as I took deep, conscious breaths and felt completely stuck in this sticky dimension.

After about 30 minutes, I was feeling a little more 3 dimensional in the physical sense, but my sense of Reality felt smaller than it had before I blasted off. Where was God? Where were the Divine messages and insights for which I so desperately longed?

The theory that this world is all a simulation controlled by aliens started to make a lot of sense to me, and I had never felt more alone. I felt as if my entire spiritual and mystical path up to that point, which had previously seemed so real and alive, was nothing more than a trick played on me by some malevolent, childlike ultradimensional beings.

In the past, when I’ve felt alone, I would call my therapist, and even though she had been a graduate student under Timothy Leary, this particular situation seemed a little beyond her sphere of professional experience. I felt so alone. I didn't know who to call.

Then I remembered a fellow comedian friend of mine in New York named Jodi Coyote, and I remembered her far-out-there husband who talked to me about aliens and other dimensions when I was just a baby psychonaut. Of course. Who else would I call but the 40 year old dude who talks to 23 year old women about the Underlying Mechanisms of Reality?

So I called him, and among a few of the things he said that made me feel better, the biggest one that helped to ease the tension of my mind was: Reality is not Either/Or; It is Both/And.

Of course. The theory that Reality is purely a simulation run by teenage aliens is just as limited and dogmatic as Atheism or any other system of belief that maintains it holds the Ultimate Truth.

So but then why did this DMT trip thrust me in the opposite direction from the Truth? Why did this “God Molecule” shut me off from Divine Unity & Awareness?

It’s only now that I have been compelled towards Magic that I think I have an answer to this question. I believe that all those years of spiritual work I had done (including the corresponding psychedelic trips) had brought me as far as I could go with those systems (meditate, yoga, smoothies, mushrooms, prayer, etc). I had hit the flat yet dense ceiling.

I knew there was more than this paper thin world. I knew there was an Infinite, Vast Universe of Possibilities just beyond the ceiling, but how could I push through?

After a month of wrestling with this question, I was compelled by many circumstances to leave school - the whole reason I thought I was supposed to be in Houston. It was only after I dropped out of school that I felt the Divine calling to pursue magic.

And now it all makes sense. How does one push beyond the flat, 3 dimensional ceiling? Secret codes. Specific rituals and protocols, invocations, supplications, baths, correspondences & more. Magical systems offer the secret codes to hidden possibilities, hidden levels to reveal hidden powers. Down, Up, Left, Left, A, Right, Down. Practicing Magic is like finding the hidden feather in Mario & flying to the Celestial Realm.

Safe Travels!
HTX Oracle

☾Your Emotions are Valid ❤︎

Greetings, friends!

Today is the day of Luna, and as the moon is trining Venus in Capricorn, we can find new faith and beauty in our work and love life. Furthermore, Mercury is in Pisces, which is a time to reflect on communication in an imaginative or artistic way.

In light of this particular flavor, I’ve pulled a few Tarot cards on which to reflect.

The first card I pulled was the Three of Swords, which was upright. This card represents a possible emotional loss. Perhaps you are feeling sad at a loss of a dream, relationship or some goal you set out to accomplish did not turn out the way you had planned. Allow yourself to express this sadness. Crying or talking to a loved one is a way to cleanse the soul & emerge anew.

I asked the Tarot for any further insights, and the second card revealed was the Nine of Swords, which was reversed. This card represents negative thoughts and possibly fear. This reinforces to me, that perhaps some of you are feeling a deep sense of loss and are lost in negative thoughts about what has gone wrong in the past. Perhaps you are allowing past negative experiences to cloud your perception of the future, and you are stuck in fear. Allow yourself to remember that there are multiple ways to perceive a situation, and that the past is a memory, a movie you are replaying. Allow yourself to turn off the movie. The past is not real and does not define the future. Every loss is an opportunity for new awakening and possibilities. Allow yourself to release self-limiting beliefs and have faith that the Universe is on your side.

In light of these two cards, and with the particular planetary alignments of today, perhaps a way to push through your grief is through artistic expression. Allow yourself to delve into the Imaginal realm and find the beauty within. Perhaps allow yourself to draw a mandala in your favorite colors. Find beauty and healing by allowing your emotions to rise to the surface.

The final card I drew was the Two of Pentacles, which was upright. Perhaps you find yourself having to balance the physical demands of your job and your emotions, which you push down under the surface. Keep in mind the big picture. Material security has its value, but connection with your inner self is where true happiness is found. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. If we get caught up too much in the physical demands of our labor, we lose connection with ourselves. 

The moon is exalted today in Taurus; have confidence in the emotions you have been denying. Feel grounded and firm that your feelings are valid. Express them creativity, and you will find beauty, grace and ease as you move forward, feeling more deeply connected to yourself and the Universe. 

Blessed be!
☆ Amanda ★
HTX Oracle

Behold, I am compelled.

Is Magic real?… Or is it spelt “Magick”?

I recently felt compelled by many alignments in my life that I have a certain gift for writing, so here I am. I have further felt compelled through astrological and otherwise correspondences that I ought to communicate about my current mystical pursuits through writing. So here I am. Voila! Abracadabra!

For my mystical backstory, just look at my Bio page.

So, anyway, is Magic real?

Okay, first and foremost, we must define our terms. What do I mean by Magic? Are you ready? Take a deep breath. I define Magic as: A system of mystical pursuits and methodologies that enable you to connect to other dimensions or spirit realms in order to enact change in the physical world.

At least, I think that’s what is.

I have a degree in philosophy from Columbia University, so rigor and analysis are crucial cornerstones in the way I seek Truth, or the Mystical, Divine, or are aliens real?

This whole magic thing is super new to me. I didn’t even really think magic was real, or if it was, it was something evil and not part of God’s plan. I was taught a very limited, repressed expression of the Divine, from which most of the mystical elements had been silenced.

I knew God was real, and I knew there was a lot more to It. After all, if “It” is God, then “It is” necessarily Vast, Mysterious, Complex, and Ultimately Beautiful. Other Dimensional. We all know other dimensions exist. We all know there is more to the world than what we see. Quantum mathematics tells us that.

Not that I know much about Quantum whatever, but my point is: We know there are other dimensions about which we know very little. Let’s call that Mystery, God.

Or something like like that. By Its Nature, It cannot be fully defined.

So anyway, after a series of mystical journeys (about which would be a novel in itself), always in pursuit of my “Destiny,” I recently had one encounter wherein I felt a clear calling from the Mystical Realm to pursue magic, and I’m not even joking: that it was my Destiny.

Can you imagine? My Destiny?

I mean, I’ve always felt compelled toward God/the Divine/Mystery and T/truth. I have always felt compelled toward this Higher Force, which could be defined in numerous ways and none would probably be enough. The Great Mystery, of which we are all a part.

So now this Force is compelling me towards Magic.

Yes, this is my testimony: I have been compelled by the Spirit.

At least I think I am?

It is my goal in writing this blog to share my mystical and magical experiences as this journey unfolds before me. I’m already bursting at the seems with information. Guys, I have so much mystical knowledge to share and still so much to learn. I suppose this will be a journal of sorts as I grow more and more adept in the technicalities of the magical system I feel compelled toward, of which there are many.

I’ll say this right now, though, even the small things I’ve done are working. I’m still learning all the correspondences and rituals, but I’m already getting signs, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I’ve got my Holy guardian Angel by my side (whom I hope to meet one day!), and a book of Psalms I say every day while I vape.

But for now, I suppose this is what I feel compelled to say and which I hope my magic will show: that God is Real. Alive. Abounding in Power and Love.

Amen. Selah!

☾ New Moon in Aquarius☽ ⇣You & the Community⇡

As the moon is waxing & we are setting new intentions for what we want from life, it's time to get outside of our usual routines & patterns of behavior that have made us feel stuck. After all, if we keep doing what we're doing, we'll keep getting what we're getting.

On Monday, the New Moon entered Aquarius, which is a time to reflect on our intentions & role within the greater community. Below, I offer one perspective on which you can reflect as you begin to reconsider your current patterns of behavior.

⇠ ⇣ ⇢ ⇡ ⇠ ⇣ ⇢ ⇡

The Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Have we somehow forgotten that? Or do we just hate ourselves that much? Have we forgotten how to love ourselves? Do we even know what that actually means?

Loving yourself is not letting yourself just do whatever you want. Any good parent knows that. But you're an adult now, and you don't have mom to do it for you anymore. In order to love yourself, you have to set boundaries for yourself. That's what being an adult is. If you don't set boundaries for yourself, you're appear to be a reflection of an overgrown kid who can pay his own bills but spends the rest of his time eating Lucky Charms and watching Netflix.

Being an adult is hard, I know, but when you don't set boundaries for yourself, you are not fully loving yourself. If you do not love yourself, you are, by extension, incapable of fully loving others. Your petty, childish B.S. gets in the way.

Therefore, it is imperative that you push aside the Lucky Charms, and allow yourself grow up and flourish. Learn to love yourself & flourish by setting boundaries for yourself. Make a sacrifice. Do something you don't want to do. Allow yourself to branch out of your current patterns of behavior. Society needs you. Do you want to contribute to the chaos, or do you want to bring healing?

Treat others the way you want to be treated. The world needs peace, not corruption. The world needs reasonable adults. The world needs healing, and it starts with you.

Peace starts with you. Put down your phone and do something you don't want to do. Loving yourself is giving yourself boundaries. It's hard, I know, but that's how you level up. Don't you want to level up? Allow yourself to flourish by breaking out of old patterns of behavior that no longer serve you.

Do something you don't want to do. In doing so, you are contributing to the healing the world desperately needs. Be a healer. Do something you don't want to do. It's good for you, and it's good for the world.

Peace, Love & Courage,
☆ Amanda ★
HTX Oracle

Amanda Holstien