Prima Facie (On Its Face)

Last night I had a dream I was at a fancy dinner reception and found myself seated next to Ted Danson. He was charming and flirting with me. I flirted back, aware of the significant age discrepancy but enjoying the moment of holding the attention of, well, Ted Danson. While we were flirting, he made a comment about my body; he said, “You look like a Jew but have the tits of a Catholic.” I was both slightly unnerved at the objectification yet still relishing in the captive attention of my audience.

I suppose this is the plight of many women: a slight unease as being objectified yet also a sense of accomplishment in even being the specific object of a particular man’s desire.

As the dream unfolded, it was revealed that we were not just at an elite reception but also an elite sporting event. Tennis, I believe. During the competition, one of the competitors was injured, and the opponent and his fans cheered on at the misfortune of the Other. I turned towards one of the judges who was standing and shouting, “This sort of behavior is unacceptable, not allowed and will be punished if it continues!”

A judge. Admonishing those who revel in the misfortune of others. This behavior will not be sustained, and will, in fact, have consequences.

When I found Ted, he had a drink for me, but his appearance began to evolve. We were still flirting, and when I took a sip of my champagne, I spit it out upon realizing the champagne was actually dish soap - what had once appeared to be a glass of bubbling champagne was now a flute of blue Dawn dish soap. He had played a joke on me. I laughed it off, despite the joke at my expense. I was not in on the joke. But still, it was Ted Danson! Though now his appearance was evolving before my eyes. His sharp grey hair turned curly and red. But still, it was Ted Danson!

Later that evening, he took me back to his home, where he lived with his mother. He was no longer aged with experience, but had become a young man living with his mother...but still...he was Ted Danson? He offered me another drink and knowing full-well yet living in denial, I took a sip. Dish Soap. I was enraged. I called him the Devil. His mother also came out and admonished him, saying “Why do you do these things?” “If you keep doing these things, you will never find love!”

A mother. Admonishing her son who reveled in the misfortune of others. This behavior will not be sustained, and will, in fact, have consequences.

⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹

Earlier in the night I had a dream I was at a bar. When I sat at the bar, a man began talking to me. Aware of his intent, I immediately replied, “I have a boyfriend.”

“Can I buy you a drink anyway?” he asked.

“Well, yeah okay.”

The bartender looked at me with side-eyes as if signaling I ought to be cautious, as if knowing the future.

“What?” I said. “It’s a free drink. He knows I have a boyfriend. I’m not going to turn down a free drink.”

The bartender then offered me two large jars filled with syrup. One was orange; the other, yellow.

I tried them both, and they tasted the same. I was merely deciding between the colors.

⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤶ ⤹ ⤷ ⤵︎ ⤴︎ ⤹

Appearances are never a full encapsulation of what lies beneath the surface. Beware of appearances. Appearances both deceive and speak deeper truths. Things are often more than they appear to be, and in fact, Reality, itself, is always more than it appears to be. Beware. Be aware.

Blessed be,
☄︎ Amanda ⚖︎
HTX Oracle
www.htxoracle.com
htxoracle@gmail.com

Gestation - A Journal Entry

Be exalted O God above the nations;
Be exalted above the heavens
above the moon and the stars
which You have ordained:
Be Glorified above all.
When I consider the work of Your hands
who am I
that You are
mindful of me?
I search
day and night
and my troubles are always before me
for I am torn
between
two worlds:
the Celestial
and Chthonic
for my house
resides
in Gemini.
Have mercy upon me, O God
and teach me Your ways
that I might know Your Truth.
For even now,
my soul is among the lions;
I lie among the sons of men.
But you, O Lord
have Ordained Strength
because of Your lovingkindness.
Reach down Your hand upon me
and still my mind
as you still the waves of the seas.
Clear a path for me
and guide me with Your eye
that I might know your ways
and walk upright in righteousness.
Teach me your ways, O God
that I might praise You.
Grant unto me
Your Holy Wisdom
that I might glorify You.
Praise the Lord among the nations
Praise Him all you His hosts:
Let everything
that has breath
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord.

↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲ ↺ ⟲

I am gestating.

In the Spring, I will begin a 6 month journey into a Holy Rite, about which I’m still unsure how much I should share. The Journey includes 6 months of rigorous prayers, recitations, fasting and seclusion from society.

I am currently and already in the process of preparing for the Rite, and I have found myself twiddling my thumbs, unsure of where to focus my energy in the meantime. I seek Truth but have lately found myself spinning in circles, waiting for Passover to come.

The Full Moon is tomorrow, after which most of my Magic will cease until the New Moon, but even then, Mercury will be in retrograde until the end of March, which puts further restrictions on my Magical practice. Presumably, after I finish the 6 month Rite, I will no longer be obligated to planetary correspondences, but in the meantime, I’m trying to follow everything by the book (by the book I mean, the protocols of Solomonic Magic).

I suppose I’m really just writing this entry for myself as I try and process how to proceed before April 20, though perhaps the abstracted concepts of waiting and gestation will resonate with you, Dear Reader, as well.

On a surface-conscious-level, I want everything to happen over night though I know deep within that mastery takes time and struggle. Sometimes, the very thought of knowing my Initiation will not happen over night brings me into a state of paralysis, where I just want to reach for my phone and give up any agency I currently have.

Pray for me, Reader that I might have mental clarity and focus in the days leading up to the Rite, and I too will pray for you that you also might find mental clarity and focus as you strive towards your goals.

Let us not throw up our hands & give up our agency,
for at the center of the spinning wheel
resides a stable spoke.

Selah!
↺ Amanda ⟲
HTX Oracle
www.htxoracle.com
htxoracle@gmail.com

How a Bad DMT Trip Led Me to Magic

There were many factors that led me to the point of feeling like Magic was my calling, but one of the final breaking points (breakthrough?) was a bad DMT trip I had back in September 2018.

I was about a month into my first semester at Rice University, pursing a Master’s degree in Mysticism, Esotericism and Gnosticism. At this point, I felt like this was exactly where I was called to be in that moment. I still wasn’t sure of my Destiny (am I even sure now?), but I knew I felt compelled by a Divine Force to settle back in Houston & expand my mind.

So anyway, the DMT trip. It was September, and there I was, in my bedroom, a new student at one of the most prestigious and cutting edge Religious Studies departments in the world, and I was ready to blast off - you know, for research. 🤓

I’ve done DMT before and have had all sorts of breakthroughs and insights revealed to me, so I felt fully capable of handling whatever new messages God, my Higher Self, the Universe was to show me.

So I lied down on my bed, blindfolded, and in a serene and meditative state of mind, and I blasted off. Except this time when I shot off, my reality completely dissolved. Whoops.

When I say my reality completely dissolved, I don’t mean in the positive, expanding your perception of Reality sort of way; I’ve had plenty of those experiences. This time, I felt like I was in a simulation.

Shit.

The world was flat and paper thin.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

I ran out of the bedroom screaming my boyfriend’s name as I took deep, conscious breaths and felt completely stuck in this sticky dimension.

After about 30 minutes, I was feeling a little more 3 dimensional in the physical sense, but my sense of Reality felt smaller than it had before I blasted off. Where was God? Where were the Divine messages and insights for which I so desperately longed?

The theory that this world is all a simulation controlled by aliens started to make a lot of sense to me, and I had never felt more alone. I felt as if my entire spiritual and mystical path up to that point, which had previously seemed so real and alive, was nothing more than a trick played on me by some malevolent, childlike ultradimensional beings.

In the past, when I’ve felt alone, I would call my therapist, and even though she had been a graduate student under Timothy Leary, this particular situation seemed a little beyond her sphere of professional experience. I felt so alone. I didn't know who to call.

Then I remembered a fellow comedian friend of mine in New York named Jodi Coyote, and I remembered her far-out-there husband who talked to me about aliens and other dimensions when I was just a baby psychonaut. Of course. Who else would I call but the 40 year old dude who talks to 23 year old women about the Underlying Mechanisms of Reality?

So I called him, and among a few of the things he said that made me feel better, the biggest one that helped to ease the tension of my mind was: Reality is not Either/Or; It is Both/And.

Of course. The theory that Reality is purely a simulation run by teenage aliens is just as limited and dogmatic as Atheism or any other system of belief that maintains it holds the Ultimate Truth.

So but then why did this DMT trip thrust me in the opposite direction from the Truth? Why did this “God Molecule” shut me off from Divine Unity & Awareness?

It’s only now that I have been compelled towards Magic that I think I have an answer to this question. I believe that all those years of spiritual work I had done (including the corresponding psychedelic trips) had brought me as far as I could go with those systems (meditate, yoga, smoothies, mushrooms, prayer, etc). I had hit the flat yet dense ceiling.

I knew there was more than this paper thin world. I knew there was an Infinite, Vast Universe of Possibilities just beyond the ceiling, but how could I push through?

After a month of wrestling with this question, I was compelled by many circumstances to leave school - the whole reason I thought I was supposed to be in Houston. It was only after I dropped out of school that I felt the Divine calling to pursue magic.

And now it all makes sense. How does one push beyond the flat, 3 dimensional ceiling? Secret codes. Specific rituals and protocols, invocations, supplications, baths, correspondences & more. Magical systems offer the secret codes to hidden possibilities, hidden levels to reveal hidden powers. Down, Up, Left, Left, A, Right, Down. Practicing Magic is like finding the hidden feather in Mario & flying to the Celestial Realm.

Safe Travels!
✈︎🍄✈︎
Amanda
HTX Oracle
www.htxoracle.com
htxoracle@gmail.com

☾Your Emotions are Valid ❤︎

Greetings, friends!

Today is the day of Luna, and as the moon is trining Venus in Capricorn, we can find new faith and beauty in our work and love life. Furthermore, Mercury is in Pisces, which is a time to reflect on communication in an imaginative or artistic way.

In light of this particular flavor, I’ve pulled a few Tarot cards on which to reflect.

The first card I pulled was the Three of Swords, which was upright. This card represents a possible emotional loss. Perhaps you are feeling sad at a loss of a dream, relationship or some goal you set out to accomplish did not turn out the way you had planned. Allow yourself to express this sadness. Crying or talking to a loved one is a way to cleanse the soul & emerge anew.

I asked the Tarot for any further insights, and the second card revealed was the Nine of Swords, which was reversed. This card represents negative thoughts and possibly fear. This reinforces to me, that perhaps some of you are feeling a deep sense of loss and are lost in negative thoughts about what has gone wrong in the past. Perhaps you are allowing past negative experiences to cloud your perception of the future, and you are stuck in fear. Allow yourself to remember that there are multiple ways to perceive a situation, and that the past is a memory, a movie you are replaying. Allow yourself to turn off the movie. The past is not real and does not define the future. Every loss is an opportunity for new awakening and possibilities. Allow yourself to release self-limiting beliefs and have faith that the Universe is on your side.

In light of these two cards, and with the particular planetary alignments of today, perhaps a way to push through your grief is through artistic expression. Allow yourself to delve into the Imaginal realm and find the beauty within. Perhaps allow yourself to draw a mandala in your favorite colors. Find beauty and healing by allowing your emotions to rise to the surface.

The final card I drew was the Two of Pentacles, which was upright. Perhaps you find yourself having to balance the physical demands of your job and your emotions, which you push down under the surface. Keep in mind the big picture. Material security has its value, but connection with your inner self is where true happiness is found. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. If we get caught up too much in the physical demands of our labor, we lose connection with ourselves. 

The moon is exalted today in Taurus; have confidence in the emotions you have been denying. Feel grounded and firm that your feelings are valid. Express them creativity, and you will find beauty, grace and ease as you move forward, feeling more deeply connected to yourself and the Universe. 

Blessed be!
☆ Amanda ★
HTX Oracle
www.htxoracle.com
htxoracle@gmail.com